Marriage is hard.
There are days that feel like it’s your safest, happiest place, and others where you want to throw your partner out the nearest window.
We live in a disposable society.
When things get hard, people often give up. (I’m not talking about relationships that have serious issues – that’s a post for another day.)
People will often give up because they feel that it’s not worth their time and energy, and would rather wash their hands of things that don’t bring them 24/7 joy. Marriage doesn’t bring ANYONE 24/7 joy.
Asking the important questions
The question you need to ask yourself on the tough days are:
1. Do we still agree on the big things?
Screw the small things! If the big things are in sync, the small things are the ways you can broaden each other’s horizons.
2. You are not the parent of your spouse.
Do not make them feel as though they are a child.
Respect their other relationships.
Encourage them to nurture old friendships – and when you are included in that, it will help them realize that no relationship should be at the expense of a friendship.
If you love and trust them, why would any friendship they have threaten that?
3. Do you have fun together?
This one may seem less important to some, but it’s SUPER important. It doesn’t mean that you go out and do crazy things together. It means that you enjoy spending time together. Without the kids.
Is there some activity that you can take up together – active or social? This will give you the chance to be beginners together. Laugh together. Practice together. Do something together that isn’t about the kids or the family, but kinda like how things were when you started dating.
Nurturing your most important friendship
That last point gets me to come around to what I really wanted to say. We have to work at the things that are important to us. Sitting on the couch and watching TV together is fun and relaxing, especially after a crazy day of kids and work and supper and life, but it’s not what keeps you together. What keeps you together is to remember where it all started. You chose someone you love and trust to become a part of your family. They are your person. They are the best friend that you said, “I want to live with you every single day for forever.” How many other people do you really think you could live with EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
You CHOSE them. Now go have some fun with them.