How are you doing?
Seems like a loaded question nowadays.
My automatic answer has usually been “Fine”, but that’s a lie. I’m not fine.
I am a generally positive person with pretty intense anxiety. I take medication to help me manage day-to-day. I’m not shy about it, but I also don’t shout it from the rooftops. Maybe now is the right time to do that though, so people struggling know that help is available.
About a week ago, my automatic answer changed to “I’m managing”, but that was a lie too.
Now, to be honest, I can say I’m not fine.
I’m not worried about getting sick — ok, maybe I am a bit. I have an auto-immune thyroid condition, which puts me at increased risk.
What really worries me is that I may pass something on inadvertently.
I’m worried about parentals who are at increased risk still going out to run errands. (#staythefuckhome)
I’m worried about our grandfathers who are in their 90s.
I worry about the proper way to manage deliveries that come to the house (Do I wipe the box? Leave the box? Blow torch the box?).
I worry about how to properly wash my fruits and veggies. (Soap? No soap? Vinegar? Blow torch?)
I worry that my kids aren’t eating enough.
I worry that I’m eating too much.
Then my brain starts to wander.
· When are we going to be on lockdown? What will that look like?
· How will I be sure to get everything I need for Pesach?
· Will I cry at our seder because everything is so different?
Which makes me think about next year…
…and how much we will appreciate every single family gathering.
…and how we will try to go to every simcha.
…and how we will not complain about going to the grocery store multiple times a week.
…and how we will hug the people we love when we see them in the street, invite them over for meals and remember how lucky we are to be together.