I remember that feeling before I started dating my husband. The anticipation while I waited for him to walk into the room. The excitement when I walked into a class and saw him there already. My husband and I started dating at 18 years old. By the time we were 36, we had been together for ½ our life. Throw kids into that mix and it’s so easy to forget where you started.
There have been many points in our relationship where I felt like we were just workers in a business of keeping the house running, kids fed and clothed, and household tasks checked off a to-do list. There have been more times than I can count where my excitement for him to come home at the end of the day was simply to relieve me of childcare. The supermarket and Walmart became my escape zones.
Fast forward a bit and our kids are older. They require a lot less of the physical care than they once did, and as they grow up, what will be left of our relationship? Is it only about the kids?
Remember why you fell in love in the first place
When you begin a relationship (assuming that it’s the right relationship!), you never think about the fact that all those “first feelings” that make everything so exciting at the beginning, will never be felt again. Once you get to know your person, a lot of that mystery and excitement wears away. What is left is something far more precious, but doesn’t compare to all the butterflies that you feel when you are just getting started.
3 Simple tools to help you find your way back to where it all started
If you think about what brought you and your spouse together in the first place there is a good chance you have some stories that will bring a smile to your face.
Spend time together and reminisce about some of your favourite memories from when you started dating. You each have stories that you treasure. Maybe some are the same, maybe some moments that meant the world to each of you are different. Maybe there is something special that you thought or felt that you never told him.
Go for a walk, or out for coffee and tell each other those stories.
Now that the kids are a bit older, are there things that you always wanted to do together that could be possible? A weekend away? A day off together? Weekly date nights out?
What could work for your schedule and your budget? Then make it happen.
When you were dating, you had to plan to get together and go do things. Do that again.
Like anything that has value, you need to put the work in to build it. Status quo will only go so far.
Take the time to find things to do together. It could be as simple as the groceries, or it could mean taking up a new hobby together.
When you do something together it gives you new things to talk about, new ideas to share and a fresh excitement to the day-to-day.
We all struggle but it’s worth the work
I’ll be honest, I know that the points I mention above are hard to do. I know because I struggle with them myself. I’m pretty good at the reminiscing stuff. Not great at the planning (although my husband is pretty good at this one). The one that I really want to work on is the building.
I challenge you to take a step forward with one of these 3 tools – reminiscing, planning some time together, or building your relationship by taking up a hobby together. I’m going to take up this challenge right along with you.
Whatever you choose, remember that what brought you together is the same thing that will help you fall in love all over again.